Unsolicited Advice And The Unconscious Mind
GRRR…I don’t like it. And I am guilty of it. Full disclosure here. Looking in the mirror is challenging at times. Whatever upsets me the most, mirrors my own unconscious bad habits. Our unconscious mind has all sorts of secrets, positive and negative, and one never knows when an old irritation may show up! So I cringe when someone offers me suggestions, even if they are well meaning. I have to say , a little bit of advice giving is ok, but please do not go on and on. (Note to self taken.)
People seek me out to help them find an easier way of being in the world. Often they have tried everything and are on the edge of frustration and are stuck, or worse, in despair. I am trained to listen and respond to their needs. We work together in a Trager and wellness coaching session to find a path to wholeness and ease. The two approaches complement each other. The client is always in charge. I am a guide, an advocate, a resource person. The professional boundary is clear, I know my role, and they know theirs. I offer what I know in the context of a session that is led by the client. During a session with me there is a Mentastics movement experience, either before or at the end of our time together. This time is meant to allow a deep relaxation and awareness occur that can be repeated in between visits. I may see something in a movement pattern that could change if attention was put toward it. However, the change will be much more effective if the person discovers the pattern themselves. Even in this situation, I hold myself back from offering suggestion. But I can ask more questions, such as what could be lighter, freer or softer? I lead them to the use of mirrors, imagery, all pointing to greater inner and outer awareness. This is much more empowering for the client…and sustainable because they learn to do it for themselves.
Often, I take a breath and I have to apply W.A.I.T. :Why Am I Talking? My work as a Trager Practitioner for the last 25 plus years has guided me toward an easier way of being in the world, a lighter, more free existence, one that is not ruled by unconscious motivators. This is what self-awareness offers.
I say this because if a trained practitioner has problems with this, (and I do not think it is unusual for any of us helping types), I hope you will give yourself and your family members some compassion and love if you are being inundated with suggestions. What will you do the next time this happens? How about a little unsolicited advice from me :
In the moment, as you become more aware of your feelings, share them, and ask for another way to connect. That is what becoming more conscious looks like. Sharing our authentic selves in the moment.
Practice W.A.I.T., be kind and ask for what you need in the moment. If the relationship is important to you, you can learn to set loving boundaries and keep the connection alive. They probably do not even know they are irritating you.
You could say:
“I understand you really care about me, but I am feeling uncomfortable with all this advice, could we talk about something else?”
“ I have a practitioner I am working with and I will talk this over with them, thank you” and then change the subject.
“I was hoping we could talk about something else right now. How are you doing?”
There are many more responses, perhaps taking a deep breath before speaking will keep the relationship intact as you set a clear boundary. Saying nothing and tolerating it, when others are advising you with information you do not want, will eventually hurt you and the relationship.
If this topic “sticks in your craw” as they say in the south, perhaps you are overreactive and irritable in other areas as well. Seeking out help to become more conscious, more authentic could be helpful. Over time, moving meditative practices like Mentastics and Trager, massage, prayer, or sitting under a tree contemplating, will make our lives healthier and more manageable. How might this be the case? There is a wonderful book by Robert Sapolsky entitled Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers. The gist of this book is that the central nervous system can only take so much stress and then it disrupts homeostasis. Animals throw off their stress after a traumatic event, by shaking out, but humans do not. We store it, and store it and store it until it leaks out at inopportune times. Cortisol levels go up, and they stay up chronically if left unattended. Chronic cortisol leads to inflammation. Over time, chronic illness occurs.
Meditation has been shown to increase the corpus collosum, the thick white matter between the right and left hemisphere of the brain. Read this article for more information: Meditation and corpus collosum This thickening has an effect of better communication between the two brain halves. Meditators also gain resilience in stressful situations and do not react so strongly. Another known fact is that telomeres actually grow when a practice of meditation is taken on. Telomeres predict how long we will live. Here is another great article…Telomeres and meditation. When we meditate, the unconscious worries and tension surface, and we can let them go. I know I need more of this in my life, to be less reactive, how about you?
I have been in the medical and alternative healing profession since 1989, I consider myself knowledgeable in both arenas, and I enjoy helping others help themselves. That certainly does not give me the right to enlighten others with information if it is not asked for.
Since you signed up for the blog, I am guessing this is solicited information. If not please opt out! I am an educator, and the more information I can share, the happier I am!
Thanks for listening! Let me know what you think about the articles!
