To Serve Or Not To Serve?
In the past, service kept me centered. Service saw me through tough times, depressed times, wanting to just give up and get it over with times. Being committed to others kept me from focusing too much on my miserable self, the Self that didn’t remember how to play. And of course, I hadn’t learned to ask for help yet. So all the burden, or so it seemed, fell on these shoulders, mine.
Somewhere on the road to joy, I learned to forgive. Forgiveness opened the doors for service in a new way. An intention for living came out of this forgiveness: that my life be of the greatest benefit for the greatest number of people. This intention still comes to mind these days, when I lose my center. This simple reminder brings it right back home—what am I here for anyway? What is anyone here for?
A Charlie Brown cartoon script:
Peanuts: “Charlie Brown, what are we doing here anyway?”
Charlie Brown: “I think we are here to help everyone”
Peanuts: “Well, what are all these other people here for then?”
When I forgave myself, I began to feel my feelings instead of others feelings. I realized I didn’t want to do what others expected of me, I started to get to know me, and value my playful Self. Service even changed within my professional role. I put my new desire into the Universe—to work with people who are focused on healing themselves. Traditional nursing was not for me. I started my own Holistic Trager Bodywork practice and have lots of free time to do what? Service. I enhanced my skills with more education and a nurse coaching certificate so I can help others help themselves. I find myself more available to give more of my own time and talent joyfully, and lovingly.
Creating new friendships, and discovering that the world is very present and alive. I feel curious about the day…what will it bring, or as a new friend said: “I wonder what I will learn from this person’?” There is a sense of awe as I go about most of my days, as the curious child has re-emerged and has come out to play! Even as I write these words, I am curious about what I will say next—what fun!
